Aside from the host of VIPs released early this year, “whos care” marks Um..’s first new original of 2016! So yay!
The notoriously weird duo has brought their eccentricities to almost unbearable levels with “whos care,” a rumbling adventure in odd, quantized grunts, strange and unidentifiable samples, and most of all, impeccable sound design. Without the skill that these two possess in actual musical arrangement, all the strange sounds in the world would be for naught.
As with most of their tracks, this one falls short of the 3-minute mark. As always, though, they pack so much into their tracks that it’s difficult to be unhappy about it. Grab your free download here.
This release is also special, as it marks the final chapter of the um.. story that has been going on for nearly the last year. When um.. first came up with the story last May, I doubt they thought it would become something so vast and involved, and yet here we are, on Part VI. Check out the past chapters below if you need to catch up, and enjoy!
Act I | Act II | Act III | Act IV | Act V
the protagonist’s journey: act VI
protagonist jumped out of his makeshift bed and immediately felt light-headed as he stood up so quickly. ally and the girl both grabbed him by his shoulders simultaneously thinking he might pass out again.
“we must go now.” protagonist said with a shaky breath.
he didn’t feel like he was at full strength, it had been a while since he’d had a chance to meditate and chill, but he knew he had to finish his quest. they were headed to Velo City. protagonist didn’t know what they had coming next, all he knew was that they were close to the end and that meant the witch was desperate. desperate and dangerous..
the trio stepped outside of the shop and protagonist winced as the sunlight rushed like a burning hot poker to his eyes. he readjusted and looked around, seeing more detail in everything that surrounded him and his friends than he had ever cared to notice before. the grass was a dry, light brown, like it hadn’t seen water in weeks. the shops all up and down the street seemed to be abandoned and forgotten as if they were left to slowly deteriorate into nothingness. protagonist felt a sickening feeling as he thought about all these people’s discarded dreams. he knew the importance of his mission. he understood what he must do. they started along towards Velo City and protagonist noted the quiet thoughtfulness that encompassed them. he felt the tension as they drew nearer, with each step feeling heavier and heavier. protagonist was watching his feet drag along when he heard ally’s puzzled voice exclaim,
“what is all of that surrounding the city?!”
protagonist stopped walking and looked up to see the witches dreaded guard in a synchronized flight, circling hundreds of feet in the air, enclosing the city in what looked like a domed force-field. the witch was backed into a corner and she’d do anything she possibly could to stop them.
“we’re about to find out.” the girl added as she stepped forward eagerly.
protagonist followed with a nod of his head and ally quietly whimpered as he continued forward. they stopped at the gate and waited for instruction as the guard stopped moving only to float high above them, clearly noticing their presence.
“what is your purpose here, mortal?” the guard floating closest to them questioned.
this caught protagonist off-guard and he quickly thought of something inconspicuous to say to try and fit in.
“suh dude” he replied trying to sound like he really found this phrase entertaining whenever people said it.
the guard chuckled, “aha suh dude, come in, that’s hilarious haha lol.”
“that was close” protagonist whispered to his friends before realizing that ally was laughing at the mention of ‘suh dude.’ the gates opened and they exchanged worried looks as they entered the city..
protagonist had not thought this far ahead. he never expected to get this close and now that he was here he felt anxiety amassing. with the e-cig encompassing the dragon in his pocket, he beckoned his friends to follow him. protagonist felt a presence within himself guiding him through the streets of the city, across the trade district and through the industrial factories to an old, yet impressive building that was blocked off by chains and ‘do not cross’ tape.
“this is the old king’s quarters” the girl explained as protagonist and ally looked confusedly at the entrance. “he barricaded himself in here before he went crazy, leaving the witch to rule after his slow descent into insanity which inevitably lead to his passing.”
without thinking, protagonist crossed the threshold, passing the tape and as he touched the first chain, the whole link promptly slunk to the ground as though it had been unlocked. he approached the door and it opened before him showing a spiral staircase leading to the top of the tower.
“we have to get to the top” protagonist explained.
they started climbing and protagonist felt something pushing him to go faster, as though he was meant to be there. he was gaining momentum as he climbed. speeding ahead of his friends, he made it to the top to find a room empty, except for a single window looking out over the city and an empty case on the windows edge. inside the case were some words engraved in the wood reading,
“to a fair king, from steve.”
protagonist noticed the Smokey Monsters & Nice Vapors logo on the case and realized that this must be where the e-cig came from. he quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out the e-cig. he placed it back in its original casing and heard a noise from behind him. ally and the girl had just entered the room and the three of them looked in awe as the stone wall behind them was moving and readjusting itself before their eyes. stones were shifting and rotating, creating space where there hadn’t been any before and now it looked as though an object was gliding towards them. it was a… a desk? a desk with cdj’s and some speakers on it, playing terrible music causing the trio to cover their ears in pain. it was one of those songs that you hear everywhere for a couple months before people start to realize that it’s actually not even a good song at all and they only liked it because they heard it once at a show while feeling uncharacteristically happier than they normally ever do. instinctively, protagonist reached for the flash drive plugged into the cdj’s and yanked it out. he immediately felt better. he actually felt a whole lot better, more so than usual when turning off bad music. ally and the girl felt it too. they looked at each other smiling, as though some disease had been cured from their thoughts. they were thinking clearly again! creative intuition rushed through their veins and it rejuvenated their being. this flash drive held some dark power over Doteland that was clouding the people’s thoughts and feelings, making them uninspired followers. protagonist knew that this was the reason he was here, he had to destroy the flash drive. amidst this excitement, the floor beneath them started to move. the cdj’s on the desk started to slide off to the side and ally screamed,
“the towers going down!”
the three of them sprinted down the stairs and out the door, leaving the e-cig and cdj’s behind to be crushed beneath the stone of the large building and solidifying the dragons permanent home within the e-cig. they looked around and saw that all of Velo City was crashing to the ground as well! bricks and glass ricocheting in all directions around them, drowning out their cries with sounds of demolition. protagonist grabbed ally and the girl and lead them back the way they came. dodging fallen structures and running as fast as they could through the large city, they saw the exit just ahead of them. protagonist screamed loudly as they made their final push through the exit, collapsing onto the hard ground with a triumphant breath, “sigh..”
just as protagonist started to close his eyes, the witch appeared, yet again!
“look what you’ve done, look at the destruction you’ve caused!” she scolded him. “do you think what you’re doing is helping? do you honestly believe that these people even care? they’re all ignorant to what’s going on around them, they couldn’t care less about originality and creativity!” she proclaimed.
protagonist felt a pain in his chest. he didn’t want to believe what he was hearing, but the witch was saying a lot of things that protagonist had thought to himself before. the doubt was clouding his mind.
“just give me the flash drive back and I can go about cleaning up this mess you’ve made here!” she finished.
protagonist looked at his friends, he looked back at the city, now in ruins, he thought about that dog that came to him and started all of this nonsense. he wanted to give up, he wanted nothing more than to just forget about this whole quest, but he remembered that feeling he had when he stopped the music. he knew he didn’t want to ever lose that excitement again.
he screamed, “accio laptop!” and his laptop came soaring towards him (wait this isn’t harry potter… whos care though lol).
he knew that plugging this flash drive into his computer would corrupt his project files and he’d lose everything he’d ever worked on over all those years, but it had to be done. he plugged in the flash drive and deleted the files, causing the witch to scream in agonizing frustration. she knew she had failed to break his spirit. the laptop ascended in the sky and radiated with a bright, piercing light before exploding into a million microscopic specs. the witch was gone.
protagonist felt a change in the air. he felt something he hadn’t in a very long time; he felt inspired. all around him dying fields began turning back into vibrant gardens filled with color and life. the air felt clean like a breath of fresh air after being in a dank and dirty studio all day. the world was changing around him. ally and the girl hugged each other in excitement and laughed at their accomplishment. protagonist felt happy. they started on their path home and reveled in all the beautiful landscape surrounding them that they had all but forgotten ever existed. after a day of travel, upon arriving home, there were no parades or parties to celebrate what they had done. no one had any clue what they had just accomplished. the citizens looked happier and everything around them was restored to its former delightful self, yet protagonist knew that his friends were upset that no one knew of their triumphant victory.
“what we have done, what we fought for, was not done so to be recognized as heroes or to be treated as anything more than anyone else. what we have done was for ourselves and if that makes anyone else a happier person along the way, that’s great, but don’t forget why we did this in the first place. to make the world a better place” protagonist spoke with a confident voice.
“there’s a brand new world out there, one that we’ve created for ourselves. be proud of what we’ve done here and never forget that we achieved this through love over everything else” he finished.
protagonist looked up to see ally smiling with a tear rolling down his face and as he looked to the girl, she surprised him with a kiss. protagonist’s body started pulsing all over and he felt paralyzed. the more he tried to move the harder it became and with a huge force of energy rushing throughout his body everything went black..
heavy eyes open to the sight of a messy room..
“that was fuckin weird.” protagonist thought to himself as he reached for his half full glass of water perched on his nightstand while trying to recall the insane dream he had just had.
It was quickly slipping away though. glancing at his clock he realized he should probably get up if he wanted to make his shift at the ice cream parlor on time. he slowly rose from his bed and moved towards his laptop, his feet stepping on more clothes than carpet. protagonist noticed he had a new soundcloud message. some excitement arose until he realized it was just another bot soliciting some free webcam site he had never heard of. not surprised, he opened up ableton to recall the project he had been working on the night before. it sounded terrible, much worse than he had remembered it. defeated, he closed his laptop and began his day.